"I'm not the heroic type, really. I was beaten up by Quakers." - Woody Allen

"The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen and under, try not to go bald." - Woody Allen

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." - Woody Allen

"I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes." - Woody Allen

"Eighty percent of success is showing up." - Woody Allen

"Ninety percent of living is just showing up." - Woody Allen

"I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him." - Woody Allen

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying." - Woody Allen

"Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate." - Woody Allen

"You can live to be a hundred, if you give up all the things that make you want to live to a hundred." - Woody Allen

"Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, "Be fruitful, and multiply." But not in those words." - Woody Allen

"Showing up is 80 percent of life." - Woody Allen

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