"If any of you are related to our main guest, let me know so I can speak slowly." - Wendy Morgan

"They say the Japanese don't experience menopause or hot flashes. If that's the case, why are they the number-one fan-producing country in the world?" - Wendy Morgan

"I was chosen to speak today based on my senility." - Wendy Morgan

"He is so aware of being politically correct he refers to a taco as Hispanic food." - Wendy Morgan

"My husband lost a lot of weight on a new diet, and I resent it. It's simple, he just doesn't eat when I'm talking." - Wendy Morgan

"I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk... my fourth." - Wendy Morgan

"If there's a God, why are there such things as famine and The Jerry Springer Show." - Wendy Morgan

"Let us eat and drink: for tomorrow we diet." - Wendy Morgan

"My sister started to smell trouble when on the second day of her honeymoon the groom started asking for separate checks." - Wendy Morgan

"A lot of you want me to hurry through the introduction. That's because you're so much older you don't want to waste a minute of your life." - Wendy Morgan

"He's always been known to be entrepenurious." - Wendy Morgan

"I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?" - Wendy Morgan

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